Why Men Struggle with Sexual Health and Performance Anxiety

Sexual health is a crucial part of well-being, yet many men struggle with issues like erectile dysfunction, low libido or anxiety around sexual performance. While these challenges are common, they can be difficult to talk about due to shame, stigma or fear of being judged.

Performance anxiety can affect men of all ages, creating a cycle of stress, self-doubt and avoidance. Meanwhile, sexual health concerns caused by medical issues, psychological factors or lifestyle habits can impact confidence, relationships and mental health. Despite how common these issues are, many men suffer in silence rather than seeking support.

How Common Are Sexual Health Issues in Men?

Sexual health struggles are far more widespread than many realise. According to the British Association of Urological Surgeons (BAUS):

• 1 in 5 men experiences erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives
• Around 15% of men report low libido, with stress and lifestyle as key factors
• Performance anxiety is a leading cause of sexual difficulties in younger men
• Porn-related difficulties are rising, especially around arousal and intimacy

These statistics show that sexual health concerns are normal. But the stigma around talking about them often prevents men from getting the help they need.

What Causes Sexual Performance Anxiety?

Performance anxiety is the fear of not meeting sexual expectations, whether self-imposed or perceived from a partner. This anxiety can create a loop where stress affects physical function, which in turn reinforces more anxiety.

Common causes include:

• Fear of failure or embarrassment
• Pressure from past experiences or media portrayals of sex
• Body image concerns, such as insecurity about weight or size
• Overuse of pornography leading to desensitisation
• Emotional or communication difficulties in a relationship
• Underlying health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure or low testosterone

Erectile Dysfunction and Low Libido

What Contributes to These Issues?

Erectile dysfunction and low libido often result from a combination of physical and emotional factors.

ED may be linked to:

• Stress, anxiety or depression
• Poor circulation or cardiovascular disease
• Alcohol, drugs or certain medications
• Smoking and lack of exercise

Low libido may stem from:

• Hormonal imbalances
• Mental burnout
• Emotional disconnect in a relationship
• Poor diet or inadequate sleep

Without addressing the root causes, both conditions can harm self-esteem and relationships.

How to Overcome Performance Anxiety and Improve Sexual Health

Change Your Mindset Around Sex

Sex is not a performance. It is about connection, comfort and pleasure. Reducing pressure and expectations helps ease anxiety and create more enjoyable experiences.

Reduce Overall Stress

Stress is a major driver of sexual difficulties. Tools that may help include:

• Deep breathing and mindfulness before intimacy
• Regular physical activity to improve mood and circulation
• Consistent sleep and rest

Improve Communication with Your Partner

Talking about fears, needs or concerns can build emotional safety. Open communication reduces pressure and strengthens intimacy.

Limit Porn Use

High-frequency porn use can skew expectations and affect arousal. Reducing screen time can help reconnect with real-life intimacy and rebuild natural arousal patterns.

Focus on Overall Health

Improving general well-being can support sexual function. Key areas to focus on include:

• Eating nutrient-rich, balanced meals
• Exercising regularly, especially cardio
• Reducing alcohol and avoiding smoking

How Therapy Can Help with Sexual Health and Confidence

Therapy offers a confidential space to explore sexual concerns without judgement. It helps men:

• Unpack the roots of anxiety and fear
• Rebuild confidence and self-image
• Address relationship dynamics that may be contributing
• Work through trauma or shame that may affect sexual health

Therapists can also support men in developing communication tools and healthier emotional patterns, helping them feel more secure and connected in their relationships.

Grief and Loss in Men

How to Cope When Life Falls Apart

Understanding Grief in Men

Grief is a deeply personal experience that touches everyone differently. For men, it often comes with an added layer of complexity. Many grow up being told to stay strong, hold it together and avoid showing emotion. These expectations can make it hard for men to process grief openly or even recognise that they are grieving.

Whether it is the death of a loved one, a relationship breakdown, the loss of a job or a major life change, grief is not just sadness. It can include shock, anger, guilt, numbness, confusion and even physical symptoms like exhaustion or chest tightness. But because men are often taught to keep going and not dwell on feelings, many bottle it up instead of seeking support.

Why Men Grieve Differently

Men are not less emotional than women, but they are often socialised to deal with pain in different ways. Rather than expressing feelings openly, many men deal with grief by:

• Keeping busy with work or distractions
• Avoiding conversations about loss
• Trying to solve practical problems instead of processing emotions
• Using alcohol, drugs or other numbing behaviours
• Withdrawing from friends and family

This coping style may provide short-term relief, but in the long term it can delay healing and contribute to mental health issues like depression, anxiety or burnout.

Common Triggers for Grief in Men

While bereavement is the most recognised cause of grief, men also experience deep emotional loss through:

• Divorce or separation
• Miscarriage or fertility struggles
• Loss of identity through redundancy or retirement
• Estrangement from children or family
• Health diagnoses or physical changes
• Losing a close friend or pet

All of these losses can lead to grief, even if they are not always publicly acknowledged. Unspoken grief can be just as painful as a recognised bereavement and may linger longer without support.

Signs That Grief Is Affecting Your Well-Being

Not all grief is dramatic or visible. Some men carry it quietly for months or years. If you have experienced a loss and notice any of the following signs, it could be a sign that grief is affecting your mental health:

• Feeling emotionally numb or detached
• Becoming short-tempered or irritable
• Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy
• Difficulty sleeping or eating
• Avoiding people or responsibilities
• Struggling to concentrate
• Feeling hopeless or stuck

These are common responses to grief, but they are also signs that you may need more support to process what has happened.

Healthy Ways to Cope With Grief

Grieving is not about “getting over it” or following a set timeline. It is about learning to live with loss and finding ways to honour your emotions. Some practical ways to cope include:

• Allow yourself to feel – suppressing emotions only stores them up for later. Let yourself cry, talk, reflect or be angry when needed
• Talk to someone you trust – sharing your thoughts with a friend, family member or therapist can bring relief
• Create space for grief – journalling, walking, listening to music or creating something meaningful can help you process emotions
• Stick to a routine – maintaining structure can offer a sense of stability when life feels chaotic
• Be patient with yourself – some days will feel harder than others. Healing is not linear

There is no right way to grieve, but it is important to find ways that work for you.

How Therapy Can Help With Grief and Loss

Talking to a therapist can provide a space to work through grief at your own pace. For men who are used to keeping their emotions private, therapy offers a confidential environment to explore difficult feelings without pressure or judgment.

A therapist can help you:

• Understand how loss is affecting your thoughts, emotions and behaviour
• Develop tools to manage sadness, anger and guilt
• Explore past experiences that may influence your reaction to loss
• Reconnect with your sense of identity and purpose after a major life change
• Find healthy ways to remember and honour what has been lost

Grief does not have to be faced alone. Men’s Therapy Hub connects men with therapists who understand how grief affects men differently and can support you through the process.

Loss changes your life—but it does not have to define it. With time, support and care, it is possible to heal and find strength in what comes next.