We’ve all heard the phrase “take care of yourself” – but what does that really mean in a world that constantly pulls us in every direction? Self-care has become a buzzword, often tangled in trends, expensive routines and unrealistic expectations. Yet the truth is far simpler: genuine self-care is about learning to do what your mind and body were always designed to do – sleep, eat, move, connect and find purpose.
Over the last decade as a psychotherapeutic counsellor, I’ve developed what I call the Functional Happiness model – a framework for self-care that brings the focus back to these five universal pillars. It’s not about perfection or performing wellness, it’s about attention. When we tend to these five areas with curiosity and compassion, life begins to rebalance itself. We sleep better, eat with more awareness, move with more intention, connect more authentically and rediscover meaning in our everyday lives.
Ask men how they’re doing and you’ll often get “Yeah, fine” and a nod. Meanwhile, the engine light’s been on for months. We push through. We get on with it. And then, usually when life piles on a little more, we wonder why our mood, patience, sleep or motivation has slipped a couple of notches.
Importantly, Functional Happiness doesn’t try to make you your “best self”. It helps you become a more cared-for self – the version of you that has enough fuel in the tank to handle work, relationships and the inevitable curveballs. Because when you attend gently to the basics of your own wellbeing, your body listens. It learns to trust you again, and that trust feels a lot like happiness.
During my time in private practice, I’ve come to think of self-care less as a lifestyle and more as maintenance, the kind you’d give a car you actually rely on. Functional Happiness is a back-to-basics framework that helps you feel more capable, steady and satisfied by tending to the five things your body and mind were built to do anyway – sleep, eat, move, relate and navigate forward. No perfection. Just a consistent, good-enough rhythm that compounds over time.
The Five Pillars (In Plain Terms)
Rather than breaking each one down in detail, here’s how to think about the five pillars as a whole. In the work of therapy, these are the filters I use to help people simplify their approach to self-care and focus on what really matters:
- Sleep is where recovery happens. If you’re tired all the time, nothing else really sticks. Even 30 extra minutes of rest can shift your capacity in noticeable ways. We all know how important sleep is, and yet it’s often the first thing we sacrifice. I don’t tend to prescribe strict routines, but I do invite people to get curious about their relationship with rest. Are you getting enough? Is it good quality? How do you feel when you wake up? Sleep supports every other area of wellbeing, and so is often the starting point for later self-care work.
- Nutrition doesn’t have to mean a perfect diet. Just enough awareness to feed your future self, not just your current cravings. I don’t tell anyone what to eat. Functional Happiness isn’t about diets, it’s about awareness. It’s about noticing how food affects your mood, your energy and your sense of balance. This is less about rules and more about the relationship you have with what you put in your body.
- Exercise should feel doable, not aspirational. Walking counts. Ten minutes counts. It’s about energy, not intensity. Movement doesn’t have to mean training for an Ironman. It can be walking, stretching, gardening, dancing – anything that gets you out of your head and into your body. The key is sustainability. What can you keep doing? Not just this week, but for the long haul. Then build on that over time.
- Relationships are how we stay grounded. A quick text. A standing catch-up. A boundary that protects your peace. These small acts matter more than people realise. We all need connection, but it’s easy to fall into patterns of giving too much, or not asking for enough. This pillar is about checking in on the energy exchange in your relationships. Are you supported? Do you feel seen? Are your boundaries clear? Our relationships shape us, and they’re worth investing in.
- Purpose is what keeps us moving forward. It doesn’t have to be life-changing, it just needs to give your days a shape and your actions some meaning. This pillar often ties it all together. Purpose doesn’t have to be grand or Instagram-worthy. Sometimes it’s just knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s what gets you out of bed in the morning and helps you feel like your life has some direction, even if it’s a work in progress.
Why this works
Happiness can feel elusive because it isn’t one feeling, it’s a pattern your body recognises when life is broadly in order and you had a hand in creating it. When you consistently sleep a little better, fuel a little smarter, move a bit more, connect a bit deeper and are choosing your own path, your nervous system gets a steady stream of “we’re safe and capable” signals. The result often feels like calm confidence, not fireworks, but the grounded steadiness most men really crave.
Where do I start?
Pick the pillar that feels most doable this week. If that’s sleep, choose a regular wake-up time and try to stick to it, or design a 10-minute wind-down routine for bedtime. If it’s movement, schedule two 20-minute walks in your calendar. If it’s connection, send that one text today. If it’s purpose, spend some time trying to recognise what is important to you right now in your life, and what you can do to move just slightly closer to it.
Small, repeatable actions are how we actually change, quietly, consistently, without needing to announce it.
A final word
Functional Happiness isn’t a programme you finish. It’s a way of taking yourself seriously enough to invest a little energy where it counts, most days, most weeks. The payoff isn’t just fewer bad days. It’s the kind of life that feels sturdier underfoot, more bandwidth for the people you love, more capacity for the work that matters and more moments where you catch yourself thinking, “I’m alright.”
Sam Archer, MBACP, Dip.Couns, is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and originator of the Functional Happiness model. He works with clients on practical self-care as the foundation for psychological and physical health.
